A Golden Birthday! (Plus a Pastiche!)

That's  Brandy Golden--  author,  gamer,  feisty cowgirl, and another of my very best-loved friends!  Today is her birthday! 

'Twas she who introduced me to Josh Smith, Reesa Roberts, and all the gang at "Discipline And Desire!"   We had met at the Western-Themed Yahoo Group, Spankville County!   Four years ago when I missed her birthday, I decided to add insult to injury with a Dr. Seuss pastiche and I repeat it here for people whose breakfasts have already settled.

"How D-Wolfe Caught Brandy!"

By Dr. Wolfe

All the Brangels in Bratsville liked Birthdays a lot,

but D-Wolfe, who lived outside of Bratsville, forgot!

Then he looked at his calendar, cried aloud, "D'OH!"

"I've missed Brandy's birthday two years in a row!!"

"Three weeks ago now," thought D-Wolfe, "give or take!

She must have had presents, loud singing, and cake!

I bet that she partied with Tom, Dick, and Fred

who also made sure that her jeans-seat was red!"

And the more D-Wolfe thought of this missed birthday treat,

the more D-Wolfe thought, "This is darned incomplete!

She's a lovely li'l Brangel, so thoughtful and sweet!

I MUST find some way to go love-pat her seat!"

Then D-Wolfe got an idear! An awful idear!

A wonderfully awful, Wolfie Idear!

"There's still some June left!" he thought, gaining hope,

"No need to sit here on my tail and just mope!

I'll ride into Bratsville before it is dawn,

and deliver the spanking that should have been drawn!"

So he gathered his papers and pencils and gear

and chuckled while thinking of Brandy's cute rear!

Out the door for his horse he strode with a will,

still laughing aloud, then he whistled for Bill.

Down the hill he did gallop, his furry face set

for the small town of Bratsville and Brandy to get!

"I wonder," he wondered, because it was hot,

"If Brandy is wearing pajamas or not?"

Then pulling Bill up near a house made of cake,

he thought to himself, "What a big thing to bake!"

He crept to the roof and listened a while,

the cute snoring inside curled his lips with a smile.

Down the chimbley he slid, as practiced Wolves do,

then stuck his head out of the fireplace flue!

'Cross the room he did creep, yellow eyes in the dark

gleaming with glee at his planned Birthday Lark!

The bundle in bed he tapped on the seat,

"Happy Birthday!" he cried and he threw back the sheet.

Then he stared--

No Brandy or Brangel lie there on the bed,

but a big bunch of pillows were piled up instead!

The end of a gun poked his head from behind!

"Paws up!" cried Brandy "And you'd better mind!"

"Why Brandy, my love!" said D Wolfe with a grin,

"I brought you a drawing! I'm glad you were in!"

"Cut the crap!" growled the Brangel, "Wolfie, you creep!

Trying to spank me while I was asleep!"

"What! Never!" said Wolfie, his fuzzy lips pursed,.

"For spanks on your birthday, you'd be awake first!"

"That's it!" shouted Brandy "You horrible Louse,

here's what you get for invading our house!"

Before Wolfe could move, she fired off her gun--

a flash in the dark and then it was done!

His face was all sticky and gooey and pink,

but hold on, dear reader, it's not what you think!

The gun Brandy held was a fine baker's tool

to decorate cakes and D-Wolfe, the fool!

So now Wolfie stood with his face finely iced,

licked his lips and mumbled, "Now, that wasn't nice!

A bad shock like that is not what I need!"

But Brandy was laughing too hard now to heed.

While helpless with laugher, the Brangel was caught

and D-Wolfe told her sternly, "Funny it's not!

My whiskers are sticky, and shaky my hands!

Now you WILL get a spanking, just like I'd planned!"

He then wrestled Brandy down over his lap

and suddenly came on the lights with a snap!

All of Bratsville, or leastways, that's how it seemed,

were now in the room, and "Surprise!" they all screamed.

They all joined Brandy in howling with glee

and D-Wolfe looked down at the girl on his knee.

"We knew you were coming!" she managed to choke,

"And so turned YOUR plan to OUR practical joke!"

D-Wolfe sat and pondered how they could possibly know

of a plan he'd concocted an hour ago!

He puzzled and thought til his puzzler was sore,

then Wolfe thought of someone he hadn't before:

"My horse! It was Bill! I see! What the hell!

That really tears it, I'm taking his cell!"

And what happened then? Well, in Bratsville they claim

that Brandy got spanked by D-Wolfe just the same!

Her birthday was over, but then, so was she,

ready and waiting on D-Wolfie's knee!

And when she'd had all of the spanks she could take,

he-- himself-- D-Wolfe- cut the cake!